From Opposite Ends

From opposite ends of the earth we came,
trundling our bags,
our treasures,
our laughter,
our hearts.

From opposite ends of the city we came,
From different points where we stood still,
So near, yet far apart.
From opposite ends of the world we came,
silent, cautious and unseen.

From opposite ends of a lifetime we came,
and found a life of magic hovering in between.
From opposite ends of a heart, we smile,
Two lives blended into one,
with no more opposites to approach,
the you,
the me,
the we growing day by day,
looking for the way to find what I'd always dreamed and never seen,
always tried and never been,
always thought but never knew,
until at last I discovered that the gift
I always sought was You.

The rest of the world sits around in a knot,
a complicated ball of strangled confusion,
And bundled hopes beyond repair.
While in simple silence,
have our private miracle to share.
O pity the poor tangled,
strangled knots, which we,
Thank God, are not!

My mind is screwed up.

Is there anybody in there
Just nod if you can hear me
Come on now
I hear you're feeling down
I can ease your pain
And get you on your feet again
I'll need some information first
Just the basic facts
Can you show me where it hurts?

There is no pain, you are receding
A distant ship smoke on the horizon
You are coming through in waves
Your lips move but I can't hear what you're saying

When I was a child I had a fever
My hands felt just like two balloons
Now I've got that feeling once again
I can't explain, you would not understand
This is not how I am 

 

- Pink Floyd - Comfortably Numb

Wait. My mind 'and' heart are fucked up. Recently it looks like it has been pumping a lot more blood than it should. <No, no I do not need a doctor. Maybe a shrink would help!> So I assume the blood pumps the heat in my body - from head to toe and clearly creates a hormonal imbalance not just in my body but also in my soul.

My world spins, the minute my eyes meet his. I start to act shy and coy like a ten year old girl. I can pick random conversations with even a stranger, but my frigging tongue is tied when I sit in the same room as him. Maybe I am judging myself too much. I do have strange conversations with him. I am strictly saying this out loud just to make myself feel good!

Well, I know I will learn from my mistakes and atleast learn to act my age around him, next time! ;) But when you have a screwed up mind fighting and scaring your poor little heart, how would you react? And my mind is spinning out of control trying to process every bit of information thrown at me. I chose to be in this. Now I challenge myself.

This is the time in every girl's life when they are searching for happiness. I look happy. I am happy. I do happy things. I have everything I ever wanted - a harmonious family, unique friends, money & material pleasures. My heart usually doesn't have a huge appetite, it is contented with just starters. That is why I just feel happy that it is my birthday and my loved ones are thoughtful enough to wish me with a hug. My birthday begins and ends there. I wouldn't even get to the level of birthday gifts.

But lately my mind and heart itches for something more. I wouldn't know how else to describe it. Somewhere, deep down, your heart craves for something beyond happiness. I pray deeply that I do not get into any form of Synthetic happiness. Synthetic happiness is very close to natural happiness. The only difference is that it is stimulated by training your mind to bend, fold and play around the reality at hand to produce an outcome of happiness.

This works. It really does. I believe it does. However, I’m too cynical and introspective to accept this method for myself. I call it self-deluding and I would always know I was deluding myself and therefore this wouldn’t work.

I believe in vibrations. His vibrations have this unique power to produce calmness around me and chaos in my mind & heart, both of which he does without any recognition. 

It will take me just a few seconds to say, "Hey! You know I like you, right?" or "I'd really want to be a part of your life". I secretly know my time is running out as days go by. But I choose to wait. I choose to wait for the right time because... he is totally worth it!

When you just get overwhelmed by emotions and your heart feels a pinch that you would rather be numb and enjoy it than to care. Screwed up stuff, I know. :)