The Pursuit of Perfection

As a kid and adult, I was like most people. I saw my flaws more than my qualities. As I was growing to build my own perspectives in life, I soon realized that I no longer worried about what other people thought. I just went through life with my eyes closed. I did not judge myself and most importantly, I started to learn to identify at least one special quality in an individual and in turn locating their 'perfection'.

Do you ever wonder why we can not be happy with things just the way they are? I often go overboard trying to fix some thing that was not broken in the first place. I should have just been thankful for that even with the flaws. Certainly you always want to do your best. It took me very long to realize that getting something done should take priority over getting it perfect. The desire to be perfect traps and burdens many of us and imprisons us with unrelenting stress, often creating havoc in relationships and other situations. This is a very curious thing, given that many people believe seeking perfection is a good thing. Like many operating assumptions and beliefs in our culture, when we take a deeper look, they may make little sense.

Perfection suggests a state of flawlessness, without any defects. To be perfect implies a condition whereby your action or performance attains a level of excellence that cannot be exceeded. Seeking perfection at a particular task might be achievable and certainly a student can strive to attain a perfect grade or you can try to accomplish a perfect execution of something. Yet, the goal of being perfect in life is altogether a different story. A machine or electronic device may operate perfectly - at least for a while. Yet over time, it will begin to wear down and require repair. Humans, however, were never intended to be perfect. That's part of the definition of being human!

In our culture we move relentlessly toward greater emphasis on achievement and goal attainment. As children we were asked what grade scored, not if we scored in what learned. We tend to measure our lives in terms of success and achievement and lose perspective on what it may mean to live well. This ruptures any sense of balance in our lives. We seem to lose the capacity for wonder and awe. 

Could you imagine looking at a magnificent rainbow and complaining that the width of one color was imperfect because it was narrower than the other colors? Not only would that be ridiculous, we would also be ruining the splendor of the moment. And yet that is exactly what we do when we judge ourselves for our imperfections. We forget that as humans we are part of nature, as well. As such, we would benefit if we came into acceptance of the natural flow of life, which by the way, happens to be imperfect.

In truth, the notions of perfect or imperfect are simply constructs of mind and have no actual basis other than the thought that has created them. We internalize a model of perfection and imbue upon it some intrinsic truth and then may spend our lives pursuing that "truth".

There is a vast difference between the measuring analysis of our thoughts or a reflective self-evaluation. Evaluating is a gentler and subtler checking in, whereas measuring makes a much deeper and incisive cut into the fabric of our being. Such measuring ruptures the integrity of our life experience and severs our greater participation in and with life. I have also realized that our body is just a vessel, that enables us to walk, talk, run, play etc. It is our spirit, who is the real us. Our true self is made of love. It is the brain that allows us to judge or be judged. Because of the programming we have allowed.

We find ourselves falling victim to paying close attention to detail in hopes of achieving perfection. Perfection is a never ending illusion we all seek. At times we feel like we have reached our level of satisfaction, but soon find ourselves chasing something new trying to find what we are looking for. There is often great beauty to be found in imperfection. No tree is perfectly straight, no mountain peak perfectly symmetrical and yet the world is filled with beautiful mountains, trees and other manificently imperfect things.

When a friend is hurting, you dont have to put together the perfect combination of words to let that person know you care. All we need to do is speak from the heart. When there is a challenge facing you, it is not necessary to come up with a perfect solution. Effective, focussed, appropriate action will do just as well.

It's fine for perfection to be the goal. I just believe in not letting the lack of perfection be an excuse for doing nothing. There are countless good and valuable things in life that are far short of perfect. Infact, if everything were perfect, life would not be so interesting.

 

Different Priorities

I live in an apartment that's part of a huge complex. The evenings are the most interesting part of this society.There are always babies in their pram, kids on cycles/skates and teenagers playing football/basketball. There are old grannies always on the park benches watching kids playing, talking about their grandchildren, discussing previous episode of a show of common interest to their group of friends or how and when they moved to this building. And old uncles and grandfathers discussing cricket, environment and finance.

Everyday I go for a walk at 6:00 pm, passing by the teenagers, the kids, the grannies, the old uncles and grandpas, welcome by the humid Mumbai summer. Over the weeks, this has become my evening wallpaper. A background that’s become a way of life. The usual. These are my others. I don’t know anything about these strangers. Nor have I been curious to investigate further. Nor have we greeted our specific hellos.

We co-exist in this routine as if the threads of these actions were just weaved in to place us here every evening to make the world appear more real.

Apart from them, I actually look forward to meeting the new special features in my life. Baby S, Baby who consumes a different fruit everyday, dog who lives on the 3rd floor, the group of active ladies of the society, brisk walking aunty (who simply refuses to smile) and old uncle who regularly practices Yoga near the park.

I sense a feeling of an incomplete evening if I miss meeting either of the above during my daily walk. I have to mention them in my conversation during my walk with mum -"Oh, I guess the fruit baby is not around today".

As I complete each round of my walk, my curiosity grows deeper. What do the grannies at the park do all day? Are the women trying to save pennies or are the pennies saving the women? Are the men worried about the world or are they short of conversations? Are the teenagers passionate for a sport or dictated by it?Are the girls and boys on the cycle already turning out to be nasty and mean to their fellow players? 

I would probably never get to know about these complex issues but I could get to know the person I see. The person who leaves behind home worries for a breath of fresh evening air. The person who leaves behind incomplete homework to cycle/skate in groups. The baby who waves to me as our eyes meet, after my every single walk round.

Although I lately complain about having too much time in my hands, I do not complain about having used my time so wisely. Having used my evenings with my new found interest. From busy days, non stop phone calls, email deadlines, late hours of work and non-productive reflection of self to Today! A day filled with energy, positive and happy vibrations, baby giggles, friendly dogs, old people's laughter and most of all, time with my best pal. Clearly, my priorities have changed!

Those were the days my friends, we thought they'd never end.

Have you seen the one with the monkey's big break? The one where Ross and Rachel take a break? Or the one where Joey moves out?

If you have, F.R.I.E.N.D.S has been a huge influence in your life too. The show about six friends who share space in each other's apartments and meet for coffee at Central Perk, a mythical Manhattan cafe. They share their day to day adventure or lull with their best buds.

After 10 season run, it will be remembered as one of the greatest and the most influential sitcoms of all time.

If you know me well, you would know how passionate I am of the series, so much so that I have my writing board filled with articles and pictures of the show! Call me crazy, but, I love every bit of the show.

You are probably wondering why I chose to write about the show and its influence on me after so many years of its existence in my life. It took me only a few seconds to awaken to the importance of Friends in my life. Pun intended.

I have watched the show almost everyday with my very own Ross Gellar. Well, if you are still wondering, if I was given a chance to play a role in the series, without a second to think I would call - Monica Gellar. :-) I remember thinking one night before falling asleep that now being OCD seems alright since people have loved and accepted Monica Gellar! 

The perfect cast, the perfect time slot, the perfect time in our culture to have a show about friends as our family. Having mentioned the above, I would like to draw special attention to the "perfect time in my life". 

I was doing my Bachelors and Masters degree as the show continued to anchor in my life. Having been a people's person always, I subconsciously started to build friendship in groups and when I look back today, with a sense of accomplishment I would say that these are friendship I have built for Life. The show was taking over my thought process in ways unknown to me. In a way it was and will always continue to be a huge positive influence in my life. 

I take this opportunity to thank every 'friend' I have built over the years and the ones who have and will be a huge positive influence in my life. Most of them, are still pretty unaware of their importance in my Life.

Be it Jennifer Aniston's hairdo discussion or a guy at a restaurant using Joey's pick up line "How you doin" or making funky and jazzy jewelery like Phoebe or Chandler's witty comebacks, the show had gotten into our psyche. Even today they don't fail to cheer me up on my worst days and cheer me up even further on my best.

I remember crying during the very last episode that was aired on national television. I remember crying during my farewell party at college. Those were really the days, I thought they'd never end. And they also say all good things have to come to an end. Too bad, no one told you life was gonna be this way. :-)

From Opposite Ends

From opposite ends of the earth we came,
trundling our bags,
our treasures,
our laughter,
our hearts.

From opposite ends of the city we came,
From different points where we stood still,
So near, yet far apart.
From opposite ends of the world we came,
silent, cautious and unseen.

From opposite ends of a lifetime we came,
and found a life of magic hovering in between.
From opposite ends of a heart, we smile,
Two lives blended into one,
with no more opposites to approach,
the you,
the me,
the we growing day by day,
looking for the way to find what I'd always dreamed and never seen,
always tried and never been,
always thought but never knew,
until at last I discovered that the gift
I always sought was You.

The rest of the world sits around in a knot,
a complicated ball of strangled confusion,
And bundled hopes beyond repair.
While in simple silence,
have our private miracle to share.
O pity the poor tangled,
strangled knots, which we,
Thank God, are not!

My mind is screwed up.

Is there anybody in there
Just nod if you can hear me
Come on now
I hear you're feeling down
I can ease your pain
And get you on your feet again
I'll need some information first
Just the basic facts
Can you show me where it hurts?

There is no pain, you are receding
A distant ship smoke on the horizon
You are coming through in waves
Your lips move but I can't hear what you're saying

When I was a child I had a fever
My hands felt just like two balloons
Now I've got that feeling once again
I can't explain, you would not understand
This is not how I am 

 

- Pink Floyd - Comfortably Numb

Wait. My mind 'and' heart are fucked up. Recently it looks like it has been pumping a lot more blood than it should. <No, no I do not need a doctor. Maybe a shrink would help!> So I assume the blood pumps the heat in my body - from head to toe and clearly creates a hormonal imbalance not just in my body but also in my soul.

My world spins, the minute my eyes meet his. I start to act shy and coy like a ten year old girl. I can pick random conversations with even a stranger, but my frigging tongue is tied when I sit in the same room as him. Maybe I am judging myself too much. I do have strange conversations with him. I am strictly saying this out loud just to make myself feel good!

Well, I know I will learn from my mistakes and atleast learn to act my age around him, next time! ;) But when you have a screwed up mind fighting and scaring your poor little heart, how would you react? And my mind is spinning out of control trying to process every bit of information thrown at me. I chose to be in this. Now I challenge myself.

This is the time in every girl's life when they are searching for happiness. I look happy. I am happy. I do happy things. I have everything I ever wanted - a harmonious family, unique friends, money & material pleasures. My heart usually doesn't have a huge appetite, it is contented with just starters. That is why I just feel happy that it is my birthday and my loved ones are thoughtful enough to wish me with a hug. My birthday begins and ends there. I wouldn't even get to the level of birthday gifts.

But lately my mind and heart itches for something more. I wouldn't know how else to describe it. Somewhere, deep down, your heart craves for something beyond happiness. I pray deeply that I do not get into any form of Synthetic happiness. Synthetic happiness is very close to natural happiness. The only difference is that it is stimulated by training your mind to bend, fold and play around the reality at hand to produce an outcome of happiness.

This works. It really does. I believe it does. However, I’m too cynical and introspective to accept this method for myself. I call it self-deluding and I would always know I was deluding myself and therefore this wouldn’t work.

I believe in vibrations. His vibrations have this unique power to produce calmness around me and chaos in my mind & heart, both of which he does without any recognition. 

It will take me just a few seconds to say, "Hey! You know I like you, right?" or "I'd really want to be a part of your life". I secretly know my time is running out as days go by. But I choose to wait. I choose to wait for the right time because... he is totally worth it!

When you just get overwhelmed by emotions and your heart feels a pinch that you would rather be numb and enjoy it than to care. Screwed up stuff, I know. :)